*insert reaction words here* Part Two

We that have been fat at one time of our lives or another, or who have been for the majority of our time here on this planet are suckers.  We are.  We could go on and on here about why we are suckers and why we are fat and our self esteem issues and our denial and how easy it is just to be fat and not care and how it ISN’T really easy and how we really DO care when we want to wear those cute clothes or at least ENJOY shopping for ourselves instead of feeling as if we have to hide from the world or be judged as having a lack of self-control or as if we are not as worthy as someone who is not fat.  That is a book.  Several (hundreds), in fact, and it warrants reflection on our part as humans and children of a Higher Power.  But that is not my focus.  Mostly not.

For us, Kimkins was a beacon in a sea of fog.  A way.  A path to follow.  A guide to how to achieve our worthiness.  After all, isn’t that what we really aspire to feel?  Worthy?  We ARE realistic–it’d be great to look like a VS model–flat abs, tight ass, hottness all around–but most of us know that isn’t in our future.  We just want to FINALLY feel good about ourselves and comfortable in our bodies.  Worthy.  Kimkins was our magic pill, our answer to this quest, our saving grace.  Grateful is too little a word for how we feel about this find.  Blessed.  Saved from ourselves and our unworthiness. 

So when we see dissenters, and their comments and their suggestions and their rejection of something that has so clearly been a saving grace to us, it offends.  It offends BIG.  We write it off as jealousy or hate or idle time wasted.  We don’t listen.  We don’t see.  We defend what we TRULY believe.  After all, the person that showed us this path is just like us.  We can identify with her.  She’s sharing her story, her path, her saving grace with us, and we admire and are grateful to her.  She’s the reason we found the path in the first place. 

Is she just like us?  Is she?  Really?  How do we know?  Pictures of her don’t matter, because, well, many of us know the feeling of losing weight only to gain it back and then some.  WE UNDERSTAND that.  We might even understand lying about it.  We understand the feeling of unworthiness.  We rally to her side because we know how she feels to be humiliated, to be scorned for being fat. 

Wait.  Stop.  Hold on. 

 Isn’t she the same person who posted that you could fast until goal?  Isn’t she the same person who has said she’s kept it off and “maintained” at a weight of 118?  Isn’t she the same person who promised a maintenance plan?  How can we have a maintenance plan if we don’t have ANYONE, not even the OWNER/FOUNDER who has maintained?  She said it was healthy….yet how does she know?  Isn’t she the same person who is admittedly hypothyroid?  How do we know the consequences of what she wants us to do?  And sure, I believe that Kimkins can be done as a leaner version of Atkins–not going low calorie.  But is that what she’s recommended?  She, this site founder, has posted to cut calories more and more.  She has belittled (we say tell it like it is, b/c hey, we’re fat, we deserve it) our efforts, questioned our honesty about what we eat,  and told us to eat less.  And we THANK her for it!  Those who question such advice?  They get the boot before they cause too much trouble.  And instead of sticking by our great support network, which we argue is NOT Kimmer, but the valuable people on the site, we ditch the dissenters, tell them if they don’t like it, go away, delete their posts and rally around the mother hen as if she will like us more because of it!   Kimmer is playing us against each other!  Under the guise of keeping a positive environment for our lovely forum posters, she deletes “negative nancies” and bans them from posting again.  We are being her “friend” by sticking by her, no matter what, and what does she do if she doesn’t like what you want to know?  SHE BANISHES YOU.  You who DARE question the authority.  It IS her site, by god.  Well, it is her site because YOU fund it.  AND honest, caring, and lovely people are being banned b/c they wanted ANSWERS.  THE TRUTH.  And they are scrubbed out of the picture because of it.  What she is running is a business.  A BUSINESS.  Not a church.  Not a social club.  She is TAKING MONEY RIGHT THIS MINUTE with a picture on her website that is not her.  If you want to argue that, then I will point out that she is using the likenesses of Deni and Christin, knowing full well that they HAVE LEFT b/c of her evasiveness.   LEAVING means no longer supporting.  Yet she still has them as her examples.  

Why do we keep saying that it works?  “The diet works.”   The diet is not “the diet” when we tweak it so that it doesn’t cause our hair to fall out, or cause us to be dizzzy, or sick, or obsessive about what we eat.  What SHE advocates can KILL YOU.  IT can harm your body.  Repairable?  Maybe?  WHO KNOWS?  I’ve lost 60 lbs.  Do I say it works?  No.  I can’t stick to it.   It has taken me a year to get where I am.  Not 4 months.  For the longest time, I ragged on myself that it was my self-discipline that was to blame…but consider that it ISN’T our fault that this diet is so “hard” to stick to.  Maybe it is hard to stick to, because it is BAD FOR US.  We are blaming ourselves for our inability to get started, restart, stick with it, maintain, not gain, etc.  Reflect on this.  REALLY.  You can say–look at Christin.  She did it.  She’s fine.  Oh really?  I don’t think that hair loss and lack of a menstrual cycle are fine.  Our bodies react to the bad things we do to it.  There are some who say, well, get there fast and then it will be okay.  Will it?  Do you know?  For sure?  Will you bet your health on it? 

Kimmer is no better than anyone else who exploits those of us with small self-esteem.  She tells us its our fault if we don’t lose.  She is NOT on our side.  She is on HERS and hers ALONE.  I don’t expect all to see this or believe it….yet. 

For some–they aren’t willing to let go of the dream, the path.  I understand this and yet I am disheartened by it, because if there are those that are defending her even NOW, then Kimmer is still allowed to pull the strings of others’ lives, thus empowering her even further.  And there are still people embarking on the path, unaware.  This is why the site MUST come down.  It must and it will. 

I leave you with this thought:  to be deceived is one thing–but to me, nothing is worse than self-deception.  Kimmer will have to look at herself in the mirror and face her TRUTH–whether in her mirror or her Maker’s.  But we all have the opportunity to look in our own, and see that it is us that matter–and how we choose to be treated.

I, for one, choose not to be lied to and deceived by a fraud. 

Published in: on September 6, 2007 at 7:26 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Your absolutely right…
    and you’ve really put this eloquently as usual. 🙂

    Can I ask you a question? I heard talk that some x- admin’s journal had been deleted… do you know if it was mine? 😦 😦

    I was just banned…but I checked for you and no, your journal is still there. I got lucky one night right after Jimmy posted his apology and downloaded mine. That feature is no longer available. (((((((((LOTS OF HUGS TO YOU)))))))))))

  2. Yes, you are absolutely right.
    How Kimmer can live with herself is beyond me!

  3. Kim – I’ll say it again. You are truly amazing. There are “a few people” in particular that I truly hope have read this. Just want you to know that I am 100% behind you.

    I sent you an email ((((HUGS))))

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